Whatever may come…

I have these wierd thoughts hit me at times. Deeper thoughts. & at the most inappropriate of times. Like when I’m on the john. Or like today, when I was at the movies. 5 minutes into Superman Returns, & I had this wierd thought/emotion overcome me. I almost felt like crying (& that is something I don’t usually feel). Infact, I don’t remember when was the last time I was that overcome with emotion. & the funny thing is, I couldn’t think of why I wanted to cry?!Am I that worked up? made me think, do I even grind my teeth at night when I sleep…?

So lately I’ve been thinking about how life seems to go on. How or why does that happen. Why do we have to move on when something happens?

I realise there are many changes that we have to get used to. Ofcourse, I’m talking of the ones that we are apprehensive about. Not the ones we’d happily accomodate (aren’t these few & far in between?). Time & again we’re faced with situations that we’d rather not have to deal with, but we just gotta. I’m thinking of situations I’ve been faced with before, & ones that are staring me in the face thesedays. (I’m consciously trying to avoid having to give examples of those changes that I have in mind-although I do acknowledge that being vague in such a manner may kill your understanding of the post-although I do wish that you’re way smarter than me & actually get what I’m trying to say). When I think back to the changes that have already happened quite some time ago, I realise, that although at the time (of their occurence) I was not exactly happy or even content with the changes, by now, I guess I’ve mellowed. Somehow, it almost seems as though I’ve moved on. Which was not something I wanted to do. I still miss those things that I’ve had to give up due to those unwelcome changes. But if you observed me, you’d think I was over it. Actually, I’m not sure myself, as to whether have I indeed moved on?!

Its amazing, actually. How people tend to move on. Since, life, has to go on, it might be good that they seem to move on. I think they just let themselves be lead away from that which is not anymore…?! You can totally not want the change, but once it happens, in time, you do seem to get over it? Your world, shifts. Your attachment to that which was, is downplayed, & then you’re attached to something else. The second attachment somehow, helps you move on, from the first?

I don’t like the very idea of “moving on”. To me, it seems totally wrong. Lekin shayad yahi duniya ka dastoor hai. Who am I to go against something so universal? & somehow, it even makes sense. Nothing is constant. & atleast this way we have that second, newer attachment, to help take over our attention, so that we detach ourselves from that which isn’t anymore?Its all about life going on- & on. But I still wonder. The fact that people do get on with their lives, does that say anything about the attachment, that was? Is the newer attachment, replacing the older one? I sure wouldn’t want to replace something I’m attached to. But if I start to look at the newer attachment, as something meant to replace the older attachment, then I surely won’t like it- I might even repel the newer attachment. Which might not be good, coz the newer attachment might not actually be meant to replace the older one.
& then you may not want to give it up. But then what can you do to keep it alive, within yourself? Or is giving it up the only way to go? I don’t like the idea of giving it up. But I don’t know what else can be done about it?

Somehow, it still seems wrong. But in time, & like I have previously, I guess I will mellow down.

I know this post has many mentions of “moving on”. But that doesn’t mean that the post might be about me getting over my recent ex-girlfriend. Just thought I’d let you know. You know, just in case.