Tanha hain….tujh bin….raatein meri…
So I’m back in desiland. Didn’t update coz I’d lost my password (my windows used to remember it for me, sigh) & desi cyber café’s are shady places to say the least.
Itna kuch ho gaya, aur, shayad, kuch bhi nahin.I’m trying to get used to life here. Everyday is riddled with complications, big & small, & more unpleasantness than enjoyable experiences. But I’m trying to get used to it all.
One of the first things you might want to know, would be, whether I miss life down under?
If I answered that with a “not at all”, I would be lying. I think I’m going through a huge gamut of emotions. While I don’t really wish that I was back there & not here, I can’t say that I don’t miss certain experiences, memories that I associate with my time there. I haven’t been able to get over that chapter (of my life) completely. Ofcourse who wouldn’t miss the convenience of life there (canned diced tomatoes, tahini etc, clean & nice public transport, clean streets, wonderful weather, blue skies, etc etc) but having had all that in my life there, I do not ache to get away from here as soon as possible & do anything that could keep me there…Surprisingly, I don’t really miss the Turkish pizzas, or Oporto’s flame grilled burgers with Portuguese chilli sauce (like I thought I would).
Being there, I was not exposed to, or was shielded from, the everyday complications & troubles that are a fact of life here. While it was totally my decision, to come back here, I don’t regret it (ok, not a lot, no, not seriously). Its just that, I feel I am still unprepared for life here. I’m still not confident about myself (but then, I’ve never felt like I owned the world, anywhere). Time will tell, I might probably get it all with experience, but I think my years abroad have not done much to prepare me for life here.
I do think about certain other things that I did while there. I experienced life, took certain decisions. Like someone said, you gotta make the most of what you have. While I don’t know if I’ve gotten that right, I must say here, that I’ve made peace with myself. I don’t blame myself for anything unpleasant, nor credit myself for anything good. T’was all destiny. I shall forever cherish the good memories, & remember the lessons learnt from the bad ones.
Mmmm… Turkish pizza sounds appetizing
You will adjust to your surroundings, it’s just a matter of time. Pata nahin kis nay kaha tha: Life can still be wonderful without being perfect!
Comment by Mariam — August 27, 2006 @ 3:47 pm
well u sound bitter (for which i wont blame ya) but then there is this undercurrent of strength and resolve underneath. Something tells me that everything is gonna be fine…i mean not bcz it would, its just bcz u have the strength to cope with whatever comes ur way…ya thats the title of ur blog as welll….baby steps….survive each day ….survive the next hour……saab theek hojae gaaa
.and when r u gona visit pakiland…..
Comment by tanzila — August 27, 2006 @ 8:07 pm
god. dude, i hope everything settles comfortably for your sake. its a huge change and no one would blame you, but yourself if it takes time, which it will.
so you have to be ready for it. and give yourself a break too. cheers.
Comment by Hira — August 30, 2006 @ 11:44 am
Nice blog keep it up
Comment by Suga — August 30, 2006 @ 9:48 pm
to ALL : thanx.yeah, hopefully I’ll survive.wow-tanzilla, how’d you read that “bitterness’?!i hope it wasn’t that evident?!lol.ahem.
Comment by Saeed — August 31, 2006 @ 9:27 am
hey you moved to pakistan? and by “land down under” youmean you were in australia?
where? when? tell me everything! i’m in perth
Comment by maryam — October 30, 2006 @ 7:36 am